Carpe Diem Universal Jane #17 fragment and phrase

I wrote this poem and then edited trying to use the fragment phrase .  With each edit I was happy until I looked at it the next day.  Not quite happy yet, leaning toward the first now.  Anyway here are my attempts.  ( Here is one of the bluejay inspecting my strawberry patch.)

 IMG_5375.JPG

bluejays squabble
over scarlet berries
not one left unblemished

~~~

bluejays  squabble
not one left unblemished
scarlet berries

~~~

squabbling bluejays
my scarlet berries
blemished

 

 

 

Advertisements